2005-02-15 - 5:00 p.m.

(Keep Feelin') Vacillation

(N.B.: must stop with the song title/lyric references in the blog...)

The past week or so has been fairly good, but of course I've been waffling back and forth with these feelings of ennui about the job situation. Some days I just want to quit without notice, saying something witty (and the death-knell for future job references) like, "Life's too short to spend one more day here." Then there are days where I'm sure I don't want to do anything more taxing than put these piddly little websites together.

On the whole, though, I just can't see how it can be intrinsically satisfying for anyone to plug along in an office doing all kinds of mundane bureaucratic tasks for 20+ years. Sure, on some level it's "helping people", but for the most part it just feels like creating solutions for ridiculous temporary problems like "How will we get the parking permits distributed to the guests in advance??" I realize that an agglomeration of these types of solutions IS what makes the world go 'round, in a sense.... but ask me if I care half the time....

As Jodi would say: don't start to feel like the cat tangled up in the mess of yarn, thrashing on the floor. It's a no-win situation, true. We all do our little part, and the millennia march on.

Yes. Technically.

But how am I supposed to stop feeling so insignificant and bored in the here and now?

Hmm, may be time to re-read that page out of the text for Buddhist Meditation 101: "Don't just do something, sit there..."

For now, I'll go home, eat a sausage with some potatoes, the leftover lemon meringue pie for dessert (fairly good if I say so), and either do some reading, organize some mail (bills, wonderful bills!), or try to finish a little more of the last bits of unpacking/organizing the apartment.

Gray February days are so uplifting!

"And I'm gonna be 37! ... (yes... soon...)