~ kusala
[ ku-sa-la: Pali term meaning wholesome, skillful, good, meritorious. ]
[ Action characterized by this quality (kusala-kamma) is bound to result (eventually) in happiness and a favorable outcome. ]
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kusala.diaryland.com

2005-03-08 - 9:29 a.m.

The Irreversible Decline of...

I've practically had it. I'm really about to say "fuck it" (yet another example of my typical, chronic, negative attitude problem.... which, after all, is the root of all my problems, isn't it???).

Where to start?

Oh, how about with total NNRTI resistance, as well as resistance to a few drugs in the NRTI class? Should be fun switching to a whole new regimen. Bring on the Protease Inhibitors!
-"Would you like a side of lipodystrophy with that?"

Will have to wait a couple of weeks to find out how low my CD4 count has fallen, considering that 2 of the 3 meds I've been on for the last 7 months or so have been totally ineffective against my "viral mutations."


Oh, and if that weren't enough to digest this week, I have also been treated to a memo that would warm the cockles of anyone's heart.... outlining, among other things, my "inappropriate and unprofessional behavior," decrying how argumentative I am (no countering what you're "told to do" with original ideas, please), and so forth. If I didn't need the goddamn health insurance to pay for the $1200+/month worth of motherfucking pharmaceuticals every month, I'd think an appropriate answer might be, "You don't need a professional-grade staffperson who 'takes initiative' as you claim in the job description.... you need a motherfucking lap-dog who politely does whatever you say without asking any questions."

Whatever.

I can't remember being this angry in months and I find it ludicrous feeling like a 16 year old being lectured about 'behaving incorrectly.'

(ok... calm down and make a list of the reasons not to tell them you hope they enjoy working until retirement in their office with ugly industrial carpeting and tacky furniture, and that maybe they should consider epitaphs reading "Never in my life was I five to ten minutes late for anything; nor did I ever question my supervisor's decisions.")


(And yes, one still has two arms, two legs, eyes that see, a roof over one's head, etcetera.... 'på dagen [ibland] är livet underbart')


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